Ordinary Girl Video

Greetings.

I'm sure you're all pretty familiar with my X-Factor disaster by now, so I won't go into that again. I've been toying with the idea of making music video for some time, but recent stresses at work have prompted me to go for it. The sentinel feature of my music video has always been to make a parody of that X-Factor set-up (where I was pressured into singing a song, and then criticised for singing that song). Most of you will know that I have a diploma in TV and film, as well as theatre acting, so the parody would be heightened further by me playing all the judges myself. My brother and I would act out our favourite cartoons as kids, and so we are both good at doing lots of voices. Doing an irish accent (Ronan Keating), australian accent (Natalie Bassingthwaighte and Guy Sebastian) and a yorkshire accent (Mel B) wasn't a problem. I just needed to find a way to recreate the set.

I phoned round several film directors, and eventually found one who was available (Ian Nicholson- Hyperdriven Films), and could use green screening and other special effects to recreate the set. I played each of the four judges in sequence, with the help of his wife, who is a professional make-up artist. It was a full day of make-up, but it achieved the desired effect. Ian then shrunk each video image down and placed them side by side behind a table to give the effect of there being four versions of me sitting side by side. He also digitally reconstructed the stage and superimposed me playing myself on it. 

The choice of song was a simple one for me- I chose Ordinary Girl because it's as catchy as all my other songs, but you  can also salsa to it. This would give the video an added dimension that other rock songs don't have. However, for that, you need a partner. I sent Amy Mills a Facebook message earlier in the year, suggesting that I may need her for this, and she said she'd be interested, but then became very difficult to contact.  I met her at the salsa congress in New Zealand in June, and she said she'd use been very busy, but was still interested. Amy is a phenomenal dancer (we'd actually only danced together once before, but we go really smoothly together), a good actress, as well as being too sexy to describe, which never hurts. She's always been my number one choice for the part.

Ian and I got started filming the rest of the video, including my starting to learn guitar, writing the song, recording it at home on my Mac, and then recording it professionally in a recording studio. The studio that I actually used for the recording wasn't available, so I had to scout around for another one. I found one that was free, and looked reasonable, but when we got there, nothing worked, and they hardly had any equipment. Ian and I had to get creative to make it look half-decent, but I definitely wouldn't recommend the place, and I felt quite sheepish paying for their time. Later that afternoon, we met up with Daniel, who played guitar at my EP launch a couple of months ago, and his friend Mattheus, who is a bassist. I hired a venue with a stage, and we played the song live about 20 times, being filmed from different angles. Now, I love the song, but after that afternoon, I really needed a break from it. For about a day.

Amy was still proving very difficult to get hold of during all of this, and I told her that I had a timeline to run to, and was considering hiring someone else. Which I did. Until she burnt her back doing cupping 4 days to film date. I went to Amys Monday night samba class in person and said "Amy- we're filming on thursday. I need you to be there." "OK" she said. "Thank Christ for that!".

She came up to Manly, and we both had our make up done early in the morning, before meting Ian at Manly Wines cafe to be filmed doing the boyfriend-girlfriend thing. They were kind enough to let us film there for free.We then went onto the beach to do more couply stuff. Amy asked me if she should wear a samba-type G-string. I said 'Hell no!" I needed this to be family viewing. We did some jogging on the beach and general frolicking.

In the afternoon, we went to the dance studio in Brookvale. She brought some great outfits, but the recurring theme for the one we went with was that it kept riding up towards her waist- both amusing and frustrating. I had choreographed several dance sequences, which we filmed from different angles. as well as some freestyle dancing. In retrospect, the freestyle dancing was by far more impressive, but it was good to have more material available. 

We finished by filming me singing the song to Amy. before we all went out to dinner. 

I was incredibly relieved to have all the filming done without any major hiccups. I knew I'd only have one chance at this, and we were all pretty happy with the footage. In total, the filming was done over 4 days, but it took 12 solid days of editing to put it all together. And here it is :)

As I say, I'm incredibly happy with it all. It actually generated zero sales, which was disappointing, but if I can make a statement to X-Factor that you can't screw people around like that, while showcasing my singing, songwriting, acting and dancing ability to be vastly superior to any of the judges, then I think I've achieved something. No matter how small.

Beautiful Thing

Last year, my friends Derek and Chris from Canada were visiting Australia. I didn’t get to see them much in Sydney, so I caught up with them in Melbourne for a long weekend.

On the Thursday morning, I took a walk through St Kilda and the city centre, via Federation Square, where I saw a girl strolling along taking in the sights. She looked like she’d been exercising- wearing tracksuit bottoms and a T-shirt wet with sweat, and long blonde hair slightly roughed up, but even with all that, she was gorgeous.

Absolutely gorgeous.

I had to say hello to her.

I plucked up the courage to do so. Her name was ‘Frida’ (Frederika) from Norway. She was very friendly and we got on really well. I complemented her on being in tremendous shape, and looking really sporty. She told me that she played football. I told her that I played at school and university, and there’s a local 5-a-side team that I play with, sometimes as well.

I told her that I love to dance- mainly salsa, but I’ve also done some jazz and hip hop. She told me that she does breakdancing. I was floored. It’s so cool to meet a girl who can breakdance. I told her I’ve only done a tiny amount of breakdancing, but I’ve done a couple of years of capoeira, and some of the moves are similar. She said she does capoeira, too.

We just stared at each other.

“Hey, I think you’re really cool” I said, “I’d really like to take you out for a drink”

“That would be nice, but I’m going back to Sydney tomorrow” she replied.

“Oh. I’m going back to Sydney on Monday!” I said. “Whereabouts in Sydney do you live?”

“North Sydney” She replied.

“I live in North Sydney”.

We stared at each other again.

“We HAVE to meet up!” I told her.

“Sure.” She said.

We swapped numbers and made plans for the following week.

I was waiting outside the bar we were meeting at, when I saw a stunningly beautiful blonde girl walk past, who was immaculately, and stylishly dressed. I couldn’t help but wonder who she was, but then had to remind myself that I was meeting Frida that night. A few minutes later, I got a message from Frida telling me that she was in the bar.

I went into the bar. The girl that walked past me just before was Frida. I was floored. As the night went on, we got on like a house on fire. As well as cripplingly beautiful, she was also very smart, multilingual, and a really nice person, too. She told me she was glad I came upto her that day. I said I was, too, although it was a bit of a scary thing to do.

Conversing with her was never an effort. She was actually 10 years younger than me, and I don’t normally date girls that young, but she was different. I felt like I could talk to her about anything, and she’d always have something smart to say.

One of the hook points when we realised that we were actually quite well suited came about quite comically. “I play right midfield. I love football, but not many people know much about Norwegian football”. “That’s not quite true” I said, “Henning Berg, Ole-Gunnar Solskaer – they were great players who’ve won the Champions League”

Her jaw just dropped.

“I think she likes me” I thought to myself.

We took a walk, and I made sure she got home safely, insisting she message me when she did so, which she appreciated.

A few days later, she came over and I made her dinner and we watched a movie.

Well, 20minutes of a movie….

I hope I’m not compromising her modesty when I say that without clothes on, she is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I’ve never been in that situation before and been completely speechless. Her golden skin was the softest, smoothest thing I’ve ever held close to me. She looked at me and told me that I should be banned from wearing clothes. I returned the complement.

We saw each other for a few weeks until she had to go to the US to start university again, as she was on a football scholarship.

We’re still on very good terms, but she has a boyfriend now, so out of respect, we keep our contact to a very friendly minimum.

I’m not sure if it was love, but it was definitely a special connection that I don’t feel very often. I wish her the best in everything she does. I’m not praying for her to break up with her boyfriend, as that would cause her undue unhappiness, but if I were to see her again, it would definitely be most welcome.

The song: http://youtu.be/RmVA63Rg4uY

The words: http://victor-thediary.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/beautiful-thing-lyrics.html

I Just...

About a year and a half ago, I was running along the beach, and I saw a girl run past me who I thought was absolutely divine- not cheesy-supermodel-type beautiful, but very pretty and very athletic in a very down to earth and real way. I wasn't sure what to do about it, but I was almost home, so I just finished my run. I was riding my bike shortly after, and I saw her at the other end of the beach doing a warm-down. I went over and politely introduced myself, telling her how pretty I thought she was. She was slightly taken aback, and possibly couldn't believe that I was being serious. I assured her that I was. We talked about sport and exercise for a while, and we actually got on pretty well. It turns out I used to live where she's from in New Zealand. Her name was Sally. We swapped numbers and I messaged her as soon as I got home.

We messaged back and forth for a few days, and I told her I had Thursday and Friday nights free the following week. "See you Friday", she said. Cool. I told her to meet me at 7:30 at one of the local bars, and she agreed.

On Friday morning, I messaged her lightheartedly, ending "See you tonight :)". I didn't hear back. As it turns out, my shift ran over by about 3 hours to about 7pm, and I got home feeling really tired. I thought 'Well, I haven't heard from this girl, so I think I'll just have a quiet night in, watching Family Guy'. It got to about 7:30, and for some reason I thought to myself 'You know- I'll just call her, just to be sure...'

[Her] Hello.

[Me] Um.... hi!

[Her] I'm at the bar. Where are you?

[Me] Errr... I.... er... well... my, um.. shift ran over- I'll be right there!

I then had the fastest shower of my life and raced to the bar- I think it took 7 minutes in total. I told her I wasn't sure we were still meeting anymore, as I hadn't heard from her that day. She said she knew, but she didn't cancel, either. We both laughed.
In any case, we had a drink and went to a tapas restaurant, then to another bar. We had a great time and I really enjoyed her company. It's not often you meet such an attractive girl who's warm, smart and fun to be with. I walked her to a taxi and we made loose plans for me to make her dinner.

We kept in contact, but she told me she had exams approaching, and that it wouldn't be a good idea for her to start anything at the present time. I told her that I completely understood- when I have exams, I don't want to see anyone or do anything other than study. She said she appreciated that.

The following weekend, I was lining up outside a bar with some friends, when a familiar figure walked past. It was her. She turned to me with a huge, beaming smile. I smiled back. I really think we both had fun that night.

I messaged her the following day asking if she'd be interested in catching up after her exams. She said we could work something out.

I started singing in bars about a month later, and one of them was a bar she works at on Mondays: the 4Pines. The open mic night was Tuesdays, so I never saw her there. I'd send her a message occasionally, and often she'd respond. She lives not far from me, and I'd sometimes see her around, but I only really spoke to her once.

4 months ago, they changed the open mic night to Mondays, and she was still working there. I'd been doing lots of practise, and I honestly don't think I'd ever sung as well as I did that night. Everyone in the bar was staring at me in amazement. I couldn't believe it was me, either. Everyone was watching.

Except for her.

It was clear she just didn't want to acknowledge me.

I said hello to her at the end of the night. She said she liked it, but it was a shame it was a relatively quiet night. I told her that my song 'Be This Way' was about Nikki, who broke my heart, not about her- she was a much nicer person than her. She laughed and was clearly flattered.

After my next show at that venue, she was singing along to Fleetwood Mac. I went to say hello to her. We chatted briefly, and I asked her what her favourite Fleetwood Mac song was. She said it was 'Landslide'.

I ordered a copy of their greatest hits CD from England, being sure it had 'Landslide' on it. I gave it to her the following week, telling her that I thought she was really cool, fun, smart and pretty. She said thanks, but not much more.

When I tried to arrange another show at that venue, the music coordinator became really difficult to get ahold of. Unless I'm singing there, I don't go to that particular bar very frequently. I popped in once just after New Year for a study break. She happened to be on that night. I stood at the bar and smiled at her, hoping to order a drink. She looked at me like she wanted me to die. I ordered my drink from someone else.

Arranging another performance was proving to be impossible- the music coodinator ordinarily confirms me to sing very quickly, but I just couldn't get hold of him. 2 months ago, he eventually messaged me:

'Hi Victor. Apologies for the late reply. I'm very sorry but the 4Pines have asked that I don't have you back to play at the venue. It's not a reflection of your performance but that staff member was made to feel uncomfortable during your last performance. Thanks for the times you have played here.'

I figured it must have been something like that. There was no point arguing with it. I remember her staring daggers at me in a manner that was beyond negotiation. At that moment, however, I did think to myself 'What have I got to do to make you notice me...?' It fit quite well with A minor7, F and G. I hummed it into my phone. I got home and started writing. More accurately, 'it' started writing itself. I just happened to be there.

One thing I hate about myself is that when I meet someone I think is really special, I can often push too hard, and hold onto something so tightly that I lose it. I'm not mad at her at all. I hate myself for pushing her away from me, and also not daring to ask her out again when we were still talking, instead of buying her gifts when she hadn't responded to any of my messages for months. Something seems to happen most times I meet someone who's just uncomplicated and nice, and has everything that I look for, compelling me either to say and do the wrong thing, or just fail to see what to others would be glaringly obvious.

I recorded the song on Garageband about a week later, and thought it was OK, but I've just spent the weekend in a recording studio, and to my surprise, of my five completed songs, this was the one that brought the studio to a standstill.

We all just stared at each other.

I cried.

"That's my favourite. That's special" The producer said.

The professional recording is now on Soundcloud and iTunes. I still have the laptop prototype. It's a strange situation to be in: I wish she didn't dislike me, but it's that dislike that has given me my most moving song to date. A part of me wants to thank her, but I'm not sure how that would be received.
I sent it to her with an apology, saying it was never my intention to make her feel uncomfortable. I haven't heard back from her, but then, I wasn't expecting to.

The song.

http://youtu.be/vgAL2xhdmPA

The professional version.

http://soundcloud.com/victor-steele/i-just

The words.

http://victor-thediary.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/i-just-lyrics.html

Ordinary Girl

I met Rachel in 2005 at Latinos Bar in Wellington. I was in Wellington playing sevens that weekend, as well as watching the international sevens with my team from Invercargill, where I was working at the time.

On the Saturday night, my team-mates all went out to get drunk, and I went out to salsa, and she happened to be playing saxaphone in the band that night. During their interval, I asked her to dance, and we did (not actually indicative of anything in salsa- everyone dances with everyone), but we got talking, and got on quite well. We swapped numbers and made plans to meet the next day, but they never materialised, as she had to travel in the afternoon for a show, and I was playing in the morning. I even offered not to go to watch the international rugby, which she thought was very sweet, but still didn't make it any more possible.

I went back to Invercargill the following day, but told her that I often went up to Christchurch to dance salsa (there wasn't any in Invercargill at the time), and see my friends Carl and Amanda. It happens that her siblings live in Christchurch, and I got a message from her the following week saying that she would be in Christchurch the next weekend, and wanted to know if I would be there, and as luck would have it, I had already planned to be there that weekend.

We had dinner at Sams Jazz Bar and then went out to salsa at the Warner Hotel in Cathedral Square. We kissed for the first time. On the dance floor. An onlooker (who wasn't a salsa dancer) shouted out "So, what move's THAT, then???".

The next time we met was at Jambalaya in Rotorua: a world music and dance festival, but quite heavily centred on salsa. She was playing in two of the bands, and I just  went to dance.
We spent a lot of time together over those 4 days, and got on awesomely. Over that year, I was flying upto either Wellington or Christchurch to see her on alternate weekends, but it didn't feel like an effort at all. About 5 months into it, I was having a hard time at work, doing an orthopaedic rotation, which I hated. I got back from a weekend with her, and we messaged each other:

Me: being with you eases the pain. Thank you for being who you are.
Her: I think I'm falling in love with you.
Me: I think I love you, too.

It was frightening, but natural at the same time. I'd never been in love before (or since).

We went from strength to strength for the rest of the year, and my colleagues noticed that there was something different about me. I went back to London mid-year, and worked and extra set of nights so I could buy her a ticket, too. she was staying with some of her Kiwi friends, as my parents wouldn't allow her into their house, and didn't want to meet her at all, as they didn't want me to be in a relationship with anyone other than a nigerian girl. This made it really hard for me, having to split my time between her and family. She came to my friend Richards, wedding, though, and all my friends loved her. They said that they'd never seen me smile so much. And I smile ALOT.

When I went home for Christmas, my parents forbade me to go back to New Zealand to see her, and despite never having met or spoken to her, said some things about her that really were not very nice at all.

At all.

I packed my bags and left without telling them, and stayed in my friends empty apartment in North London. I called Rachel and explained the situation to her, and she burst into tears feeling like she was somehow to blame. I told her not to be ridiculous and that I'd come back to her soon.
While I was in hiding, Mum and Dad turned on each other, blaming each other for me disappearing. Personally, I think they were both as backward and african as each other, and it still fills me with anger to think of how smallminded they were being, and how mean they could be to somebody who had done nothing to them, and that they had never even spoken to.

Rachel and I were together for 2 more years after that. Although we're not together anymore, we're still friends, and she'll always be special to me.

The song (original draft):
http://youtu.be/O-LIvlcVM68

The professional version:
http://soundcloud.com/victor-steele/ordinary-girl

The words:
http://victor-thediary.blogspot.com.au/2012/12/ordinary-girl-lyrics.html

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Never Learn

In January 2010, I took a midweek break to Adelaide, just to check it out, as I'd never been there before. I was pleasantly surprised- it was quiet, but friendly, with a decent amount of things to do. I went to the botanical gardens, walked around the city, rode the O-bahn and went on a wine tour. In between, I would go to the gym. the Fitness First in the city centre had a receptionist that I thought was pretty cute- a little tom-boyish, but still cute. We didn't say much to each other apart from the usual business pleasantries, and I got on with my workout.

On my last night, I went to HQ: one of the main nightclubs. It was student night, so I was feeling a little out of place, but I just went ahead and did what I normally do in any potentially awkward situation: danced. and loved it.

As I was checking out one of the side rooms, a really pretty girl walked past me, waving and smiling. At first  I thought she was weird, but then I realised that it was the receptionist from the gym. I smiled and waved back.

I caught up with her as I was leaving, and we talked for a while. Her name was Tamara. We got on really well, and I told her how pretty I thought she was. She turned bright red, but also smiled. I asked for her number, but she said she was too shy, so I added her on Facebook.

We messaged each other occasionally, and eventually swapped numbers and began texting. Everything about her seemed genuine, and I don't get that feeling about a girl very often.

About a year later, I was on study leave for a week on the Gold Coast, and thought I would head down to Adelaide for a couple of days. I told her about this, and she agreed to meet up.
As I was at the airport about to check in, I got a Facebook message from her saying that she couldn't meet because she and her friend had to go look at cars. I didn't get on the plane, and went to work instead. She apologised profusely, saying that she didn't realise that I was going to Adelaide just to see her. She really was being genuine in that, as I deliberately never made it clear that that was what I was doing, as I didn't want to put her under any pressure, or make her think that I was expecting anything from her. We happily stayed in touch.

About 8 months later, we were speaking on the phone quite regularly, and I told her that I had a few days off coming up, and I could come down to Adelaide to see her. She said that would be cool. I booked my flights and a hotel room for the night.
I met her for a coffee just after she finished work, and we talked about what we were going to do for the evening. We made plans, and she said she just had to go home to change and sort some things out, but she's come back out to meet me. While she was doing that, I got a movie for us to watch, and started making dinner plans, but then I got a message from her saying that she was really tired, and would rather stay in for the night. I asked her if there was nothing she could do, like take a quick nap and then come out, but she said no. I explained that I had come from Sydney just to see her, but it made no difference.

So basically, I went to Adelaide to watch Family Guy and eat indian takeaway by myself.

You never learn, do you, Victor....?


The song.

http://youtu.be/hmEp4x-JxmY

Here's the professional recording:
http://soundcloud.com/victor-steele/never-learn

The words.
http://victor-thediary.blogspot.com.au/2012/12/never-learn-lyrics.html

How You Make Me Feel

The story behind this one is pretty simple: After experiences like the ‘Nicolas’ of the world, I can’t help but remember how good a girlfriend Rachel was, to the point where I was on a night shift recently, and I just burst into tears at the memory of falling so passionately in love with her, and being so overwhelmed with emotion that I felt like I was suffocating. At the same time, thought “love you so much, feel I can’t breathe”, but to a melody that I’m pretty sure I hadn’t heard before. I hummed it into my iPhone, and when I got home, I plucked out a baseline, put some chords to it, wrote some words, and in under an hour, I ended up with this:

http://youtu.be/mwoB461Uwf4

This is what it sounds like after the recording studio session:
http://soundcloud.com/victor-steele/2-how-you-make-me-feel

The words are here:

http://victor-thediary.blogspot.com.au/2012/09/how-you-make-me-feel-lyrics.html

Rachel and I have spoken, and I'm feeling a lot better now. We're still friends, and she thinks it's better we stay that way.

I don’t think I can call myself a songwriter ( I have 5 songs), but when I do write a song, my biggest fear is: “am I stealing this from someone?”, but I honestly don’t think it sounds like anything any of my musical idols have ever done. My singing teacher loves it, and I opened with it at my gig last week. I have a professional guitarist that I sing with, and I sent it to him to learn a few days before. He assumed that I was going to play as well as sing. The thought of doing that petrified me, but then I thought “screw it- do it: it’s my song”. He told me that I had nothing to worry about, as nobody had heard it before, so I could get it catastrophically wrong, and nobody would have a clue. Thankfully, it didn’t go catastrophically wrong. In fact, people really liked it. Not bad for 10 weeks of guitar lessons.

Some of you may remember that I was in a band at school, then the lead guitarist (Munawar) and I went to medical school, and the other 3 members turned professional. Munawar and I would still jam, and would do unplugged sessions and open mic nights, as well as background music for medical school functions. The guy I play with at the moment is really good, but, Munawar, as well as being one of my best friends, you are without doubt the best guitarist I’ve ever met. It’s sad that I’m so far from home. If the UK health service ever sorts itself out, I’m hoping we can start playing again.

What’s that….?

Budget cuts…?

Let’s not hold our breath….

Victor.

X-Factor

Hi everyone,

I’ve been a bit quiet recently, as commented by one of the nurses at work. It’s usually a sign that there’s something wrong. And there is.

I’ve been getting back into singing since returning to Sydney from London in January. In February, there was the initial round of auditions for X-Factor. They were held over 3 days, and I went along on the Saturday afternoon. There were reputed to have been about 20,000 people auditioning in the whole country. I’m not sure how many they were looking for, but I can imagine that it was only a small percentage of that.
I had to wait about 5 hours for my slot, and there was a lot of tension in the Sydney Convention Centre where it was held. There was a massive quarantine hall, from where people were called into the auditioning area in groups of 10.

While all that was happening, of course, some people were warming up and practicing, and some even took turns to perform in front of the other competitors. Everyone seemed to be very supportive of everyone else. Me being me, I jumped in and harmonized with some people. Which everyone really enjoyed, and people were impressed with me. However, some people left the auditioning area in tears, which didn’t do anything for peoples morale.

My turn finally came. You are supposed to have a list of four songs prepared, so naturally, I chose 4 of the songs that I do at my gigs. I sing all of them well, but, as I was quietly confident of making it through, I thought I’d save my strongest songs for the next round.

From the auditioning area, we were individually called into a room with 1 or 2 people to judge us. I sang “Breakfast at Tiffanys”, which people love hearing me sing, but I had a sinking feeling as the guy watching me remained completely expressionless as I sang. He asked me to sing something else, so I went into “Be Like That” by 3 Doors Down. He was still expressionless.
He sighed. He told me that I had a nice voice, but that I wasn’t ready for performance.

I wasn’t upset at all, but I couldn’t help but have a feeling of “are you serious??”. I was a little confused, but accepted his decision and calmly walked out. I bumped into some of the other contestants on the way home and they asked me how I did, and I told them. They were genuinely shocked. None of them had made it, either. To be honest, most of them, I wasn’t surprised, but some of them, I was. The biggest surprise was that there was a guy who, without being mean about it, had developmental delay (mental retardation). And he sang like somebody who had developmental delay. He made it through.

Not every contestant knew that there were no rules against auditioning more than once, so I went along the next day, because, without being arrogant about it, Saturdays outcome simply wasn’t right. Not only do I regularly get paid to sing, but I’ve had people from the crowd physically hand me money to keep on singing.
Sunday was a bit of a pressured affair, as I had a flight to Melbourne in the evening, so I was one of the first to show up. This time, I thought I’d do my best songs, so I did “Your Song” by Elton John. The judge smiled. He asked me to sing something else in addition, so I did “Under the Bridge”. As I was singing, he was writing things down. When I stopped, he handed me a card and said ‘Congratulations’.

I couldn’t help but feel a sense of justice about that. I then went into another area with the other successful contestants where we were interviewed, had our photos taken and signed various documents, and were given information about the next round. It was to be held in May, and we were to be told if we had been selected by mid April. If it got to May, and we hadn’t heard from them, that was to be taken as a no.

Not that I was hanging out for their call, but it got to May, and I hadn’t heard from them, so I assumed that I was no longer in the competition. But a week later, I got a call from them saying they wanted me at the audition in 2 weeks time. It would be at the Sydney Arena in front of the celebrity judges (Ronan Keating, Mel B, Natalie Bassingthwaigte and Guy Sebastian).

They called me again 2 days before the audition to discuss the music. I normally sing soft rock, ballads and easy listening music, but they were being really weird about what I could sing. They didn’t want me to do anything nice. They wanted me to sing Boogie Wonderland. Now, I love Boogie Wonderland from my time as a 70s dancer, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I can sing it. They seemed insistent that I do something lively and cheesy. The only song I was vaguely familiar with that they would let me do was “Need You Tonight” by INXS, so I set about learning the words to it, remembering that they wanted a big performance from me, and the song choices were to be forwarded to the judges that day.

Things got even stranger when, on audition day at the Sydney Entertainment Centre, they insisted that we acted like it was the very first round.

We had a music check, but I was only allowed to listen to the beginning of the song.

As I walked onto the stage, one of the coordinators told me “Say nothing about the fact that WE chose the music”. I didn’t think much of it at the time, as I was more focused on not forgetting the words.

Ronan Keating did most of the interviewing, and was quite curious about my salsa background, as were the crowd. Natalie Bassingthwaigte asked me if I picked up al the nurses at work. I looked at her almost disdainfully, as I explained to her that I didn’t want to get fired.

Keating asked me what I was going to sing. I knew he already knew, but I told him anyway. The music started, and I proceeded to give the big performance that I was asked for. After the second verse, the music stopped. I was a bit confused.

I asked if I did anything wrong. Keating asked me “Do you not see anything wrong with this?”. I was still confused. He said my song choice was almost creepy. Mel B said that she couldn’t find anything good to say about it, Guy Sebastian said the song was too intense, Bassingthwaigte said it was entertaining, but that I should stick to being a doctor. I politely said “OK”. I love being a doctor, and no matter what happens with my performing arts, I’ll never leave medicine entirely.

I got 4 straight ‘no’s from the judges, but strangely, it didn’t bother me. I wasn’t nervous speaking to the celebrities at all. I wasn’t nervous performing. The only thing that bothered me was not being allowed to sing my best on (what will be) national television.

On my way out, I spoke to some of the other contestants. The guy before me also got voted off. He also had to learn a song that was completely not his style at 2 days notice (and completely screwed it up). But this wasn’t the case for everyone. Some people had a genuine free choice of song, and had weeks notice to prepare.

The next day, I posted a link to an apology to the judges on each of their Twitter pages, explaining the situation, and that I am actually a very good singer and performer, with YouTube videos as proof. That made me feel a little better.
Over the coming days, I thought ‘hang on a minute- why are you apologising? The judges knew in advance what you were made to sing, and yet they acted like they were surprised by it. Some other things came to mind:

The late call-up: I probably wasn’t a priority for them in terms of wanting me to progress.

Everyone who made it through had their music edited to about 2 minutes. everyone who didn't make it through didn't have their music edited, as the producers knew they were going to stop them partway through their song.

Also, people who progressed had at least a month to learn a song of their choice. People who didn't progress had 2 days to learn a song not of their choice, and highly contrasting to what they would choose to sing.

The fact that they would hand-pick someone with brain damage to sing on TV, and act like it was a surprise to them.

Being given very short notice to sing music that doesn’t really suit me: they didn’t want me to be at my best.

Being told not to reveal that the music was the choice of the producers: they knew the outcome of the choice would be bad. They wanted it that way.

As I walked off the stage, I was interviewed by 3 different people asking me how I was feeling. Each time, I said I was OK. They seemed disappointed. They just kept on asking if I had anything negative to say. I said no. They seemed even more disappointed. They wanted me to be upset. I genuinely wasn't.

They set me up.

Bastards.

Absolute bastards.

Not making it through didn’t bother me. Being manipulated into looking like a tool; that bothers me. That’s what weighs on me. That’s why I’ve been quiet at work. I can only dread what will happen if that footage actually goes on air. I took off to Dubai for a week to visit a friend and get away from performing. I’ve spoken to some people in the entertainment industry, and we are hatching a plan. I can’t say what it is, yet, but you’ll find out in good time.

Raz Al Ghoul (Batman Begins): there are those without moral, without decency, who must be fought without hesitation, and without pity.

And so they will be.

Victor.

An Apology/X-Factor

Dear Judges,

I just wanted to say that, although it was very nice to meet you all last weekend at the Sydney Arena, I don't think my time on stage turned out the way any of us would have wanted. I'm not sure how much you know of what goes no behind the scenes of X-Factor, but I normally sing ballads, love songs and easy listening. I have 3 or 4 paid gigs a month in bars near me (although you're probably not in much of a position to believe that).
There were 2 preceding rounds of auditions before that day at the arena, when I sang Under The Bridge and Your Song, which went down very well. I got the call for this last audition 2 days in advance, and they wanted me to sing Boogie Wonderland or Le Freak, or anything flamboyant. I told the coordinators that that's not what I'm suited to, but they wouldn't have it any other way. The only song that they would let me do that I had any kind of lyrical familiarity with was Need You Tonight, so it was either that, or nothing at all. It's not a song that really allows much for vocal expression, or ability, so I was told to emphasise the energy and intensity of it.
I'm nothing if not honest, and I do guarantee that this is true. As I was walking onto the stage, the coordinators stressed to me again, not to say anything about the fact that THEY chose the song. They will probably deny this to their grave, but it would make no sense for me to break away from the melodies that I'm paid to sing to something as raw and sexual as Need You Tonight, which I've only ever done as a karaoke party piece.

My sincerest apologies to you all, as I think we all found it regrettable. I seldom record myself, but I would much have preferred you to see and hear this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuOQr9v9sgg

Specifically:

Mr Keating: I saw a lot wrong with it, but had no option, really. The sexual energy and flamboyance were what were demanded of me, and I can completely see why you may have found it unsettling. In spite of that, I assure you that I am a gentleman, as are repeatedly testified by my patients and colleagues. If you were in the emergency ward on my shift, you would be in very good hands, as I became a doctor because I care about people, and that will never change.
Having said that, I am also a qualified actor, and can pretty easily assume any persona required of me, even that of a depraved desperado.

http://youtu.be/SokxdeB7S2c

To more fully answer your enquiries about my salsa, as well as teaching, I've done a few national and one international competition at amateur level, and normally get a podium place.
http://youtu.be/xT3Jmyk0GWw

Ms Bassingthwaighte: I'm glad you could at least see the cheesy side of it. I am good at that, at least. And yes- I do kick off at parties and at karaoke. However, if you were to ask me to show a talent, this wouldn't even be in my top 10 of things to do.

Mr Sebastian: I liked your diplomatic expression of opinion. You seem like a very nice guy. Too much intensity: I completely get it, but again, I felt like my hands were tied.

Mrs B: I get you, too: the cheese factor was probably the only good thing I could find positive to say about it. And if that doesn't appeal to you, then that's very understandable. I did mean what I said about you being my favourite Spice Girl. I wasn't saying it simply because you were sitting in front of me. I wasn't even saying it because I think you're the most attractive: you always gave the best interviews because you have humour and intellect: things that I value greatly in a woman. You have them in abundance.

It was nice to meet you all, and I hope you have a great time doing the show.

I live in Manly in North Sydney, a nice area. If you were ever to find yourself there, and I'm not on shift, I sing at the 4Pines and Sugar Lounge. You would all be more than welcome there.

http://manly-daily.whereilive.com.au/news/story/doctor-feelgood/

Even aside from that, if any of you need a prescription for anything, I am more than happy to oblige.

Yours,

Victor.